I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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