my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
