I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
