Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
