I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
