I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
