dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
