Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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