I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
be right there i have to get my cape
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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