My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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