you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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