it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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