why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
