i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
