Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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