anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
