just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
