I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
