areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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