we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
