Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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