So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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