I think my vagina is haunted
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
