yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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