My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
