peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
