No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
