Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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