his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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