the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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