i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
