Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
