im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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