And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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