Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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