Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
