Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
