Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
