Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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