Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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