i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
