I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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