I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
