are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
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