Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
