im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
