Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
