There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
