butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Welp...herpes.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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