I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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